after having my sister Debbie, who goes to school in Chicago, home for about 2 weeks with my sister Bonnie, who lives at home... i'm suddenly the only child at home. debbie is back in chicago, and bonnie is on a cruise with friends. it was fun having everyone together for a bit, though. it was fun just being in the same room with them often. with debbie, i like lying next to her in bed and just being next to her as we chat. with bonnie, there's some subtle awkwardness in our interactions. i don't exactly know what it is. anyways, the house is suddenly alot emptier.. it's better with them around.
this break, i've had a hard time doing the things i usually do to spend time with god (reflecting in my journal, reading the bible, talking things out with a friend). at first, i just didn't do it. a while ago, though, i felt like i really should, like i suddenly badly thirsted for such time. but i haven't taken the time to give god space yet. i don't know why. i think it would be really good, but i find myself not caring enough and doing other things instead.
one thing that's been in the back of my mind for a while is the idea of sin and forgiveness. i read about jesus forgiving the sins of the paralyzed guy who is lowered down thru the roof by his friends. forgiveness sounds like it is a great thing. but i don't emotionally connect with sin/forgiveness. they don't mean much to me. i might feel like i do bad things and have problems, but the idea of sin in relation to god feels foreign. so i can't share in the joy that forgiveness seems to offer. so i've sorta been thinking about that on and off.
the other day, i played basketball with my friends. in high school, i'd play pretty frequently, but it was the first time i played in a while. it was lots of fun, and i'm looking forward to pick that up more. ugh i haven't excercised at all over break haha (besides that day of b-ball). everytime i think about running, i think about how cold it is outside (i know, it's nothing compared to temperatures up north). yikes...
oh, and i've been trying to watch nba games when i can too. good stuff.
oh, and until recently i'd been playing alot of Final Fantasy 12 on the PS2 (borrowed from a friend). it's a role-playing game. and it consumes hours. i logged in like 27 hours, but then i decided i wanted to do more of other things instead. it was hard letting go though haha. it's a really good game though. i recommend it for its gameplay, but the story isn't as captivating as i hoped. final fantasy 7's story was so good! :). so anyways, i have some more time now... so maybe i'll read more and practice more guitar. so far, it seems like the time i usually spent playing ff12 has gone to playing tetris on my computer (freetetris.org - daniel got me into it haha) and listening to music online. yay! haha.
peace,
eric
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6 comments:
hi eric!
yea it's been hard for me to keep up with spending time with God too. it's just different at home i guess. i do pray at night and read the bible, but that's all.. i've been realizing the power of community and how you guys help me seek God. ooh what do i do after i graduate! i don't know.. haha.
maybe you can follow your feeling when you feel like you need Him?
well.. hope you're not too lonely at home! and enjoy the rest of the break :) did you go to the church today?
yumi
ahh I haven't read the bible in a while. I keep on thinking I will and then nothing happens.
you guys, I can't figure out how to blog, which is fine. If you don't hear from me in terms of posts, that's why ^.^ it's hard for me to relate with the whole forgiveness thing too. because i'm becoming paranoid and thinking that everything I do is a sin. (potentially it could be). it's weird because sometimes I'm not sure what sin is anymore- I heard on the radio the other day that it's a sin to worry! I was really surprised by that. anyone have a comment? it's weird--er for me too because I have a friend (you've probably all heard of him) who doesn't believe in sin. so it's trippy for me.
I miss community. What do loner christians do? I mean, I've been a "christian" all my life.. and some things are bothering me more than it should, I think.
omg you guys I have so many things to think about lol. paralyzed by inaction. I'm going to eat some chips.
-vickyy
vicky, to comment, once you log in, just click on "new post" in the top right corner...
-eric
vicky! yea i used to be confused by what sin is too. i used to think i don't have any sins. but i guess as i discover more ugly side of me, i found out what sins i have (like me unconsciously judging people etc..).
but you know, no one is perfect and that's why we're following God. so i think it's ok to have sins as long as we're trying to change. actually i'm glad to find out my sins cuz that way, i can try to change :)
well what is sin..? i get confused sometimes too.. but don't get paranoid about it vicky! you'll see it eventually like i did.
sorry for the confusing post.. but.. hope you enjoyed your chips!
yumi
i agree with yumi, that sin isn't escapable, but one of the beauty of GOd's grace in my life is that he reveals things that keep me from experiencing how good he is (cuz that is what sin is at it's root). whether it's worry/anxiety keeping me from trusting him, judgement keeping me from being able to love others, or fear paralyzing me from doing things that would be so good for me... that he reveals, loves me despite it, and invites me to join him in working through those things...
thanks! I'm glad to have such a good community around me :) hopefully these things will make more sense as the year progresses. it's difficult sometimes because even after all this time I feel as if I don't have a testimony to share, as if I haven't been growing at all. I see that focusing on my own problems obscure my sense of God... ahh will get out of this. sorry you guys lol ^.^
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